Conservatives treat their constituents like suckers (13)

As noted above, a longtime guilty pleasure of this blog has been to reprint the nutty snake-oil appeals that conservative publications send out over the internet. They also, of course, send out fantastic accounts of Ronald Reagan's superhuman feats. This email I just got from Human Events, however, is the first I've seen to combine the two genres. The subject heading is "The shocking cure Ronald Regan [sic!] used for his cancer," and it includes the following, thoroughly convincing account.

While still in office,
President Reagan got rid of his cancer the German way

When President Ronald Reagan got cancer during his presidency, the great German doctor Hans Nieper, M.D, treated him. It would have been front page news if it hadn't been hushed up at the time.

Just imagine if the American public knew a sitting president preferred German cancer treatments!

I learned about it from my confidential source in Germany. In addition, Reagan's German doctor acknowledged it in an interview.

I called the Reagan Library to see if the Library would confirm or deny that Dr. Nieper treated President Reagan in May of 1985.

A Reagan Library employee named Jenny responded to my request. She admitted that Reagan was in Germany in May of 1985, but she would neither confirm nor deny that Dr. Nieper treated him. She told me, "President Reagan's private medical records before, during, and after his presidency are unavailable." In July of 1985, Dr. Nieper flew to America to attend to Reagan in his hospital recovery room, according to my source.

Many American cancer patients lose their hair and their vitality. But Reagan kept his famous pompadour hairstyle. He also kept his warm smile and vigorous stride.

And after whipping his cancer the German way...

Reagan lived for another 19 years

He died at age 93, and not from cancer.

Such appeals alternate in my inbox with passionate missives from Newt Gingrich on how to end our foreign oil dependency. Not sure which is less credible.