St. Paul Notes (I)

I head toward the security perimeter in St. Paul reflecting on the greatest rhetorical challenge of my writing career: given that Campaign for America's Future is non-partisan, how can I blog the Republican National Convention without reference to the Jerry Springer Show the Prolifically Pollinating Palin Family? Writing an 850-page book was easier. Then I hear a commotion behind me; lefty activists are heckling Laura Ingraham (they do so witlessly—"stop lying!"; if they really wanted to hit her soft underbelly they'd ask her why Fox cancelled her TV show). Her lackey, in full sycophancy mode: "Sorry about that, Laura." Ingraham, testily: "Can't you handle that for me? If someone comes up to me?"

**********

Ron Paul guys have swarmed the bottleneck security entrance, the closest point you can get without credentials (I have credentials!): "Join the real convention! Tomorrow at the Target Center!!" (Ron Paul is headlining a "Rally for the Republic" featuring the likes of Jesse Ventua, Barry Goldwater Jr., and country singer and Dancing with the Stars apostate Sara Evans.) "Do your children and grandchildren a favor! Read the Constitution!" One tries to inspirit another: "Do your best Alex Jones impersonation!" Another conversation: "Those are anarchists. Those are Constitutionalists." A lonely hippie in a hand-written "War Is A Crime Against Humanity" T-shirt. TV techs streaming in and out in scruffy flannels (they're taunted: "You covering the Rally for the Republic? You covering the Rally for Republic"); Republicans in dark suits accompanied by ear-pieced bodyguards in darker suits; a man dressed all in black with a corporate-looking baseball cap reading "Taser Cam" on the front and "Good Guys Where Black" on the back.

**********

Security check. After a thorough patting down around my bum, I'm advised, "Enjoy yourself!" and sent on my way. I'm accompanied by an employee of the Pacifica Radio Network, for whom I'll be doing commentary this week: "You missed Laura Bush," she tells me, then describes what the police raids were like: they were arresting "anyone looking like they're from New York." She tells me they were going to thank their hosts who've opened their guest rooms to them on the air, "but we realized we'd be putting them at risk."

**********

At the Pacifica table at Radio Row, I watch them cut a video of Democracy Now!'s Amy Goodman being manhandled by a black-shelled turtle, then arrested. I ask where the press can watch the convention. I'm told, "There is no convention." It's 6:30, and the Gustav-shortened proceedings are already over. What did I miss? "Just politicians' wives talking about how concerned they are about the Gulf Coast."

**********

Onward scrolls the electronic sign outside the window: "...Rascal Flats...REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION...Weezer..." Not nice—very un-Minnesota-like—for a host to say such things about their guests, and their presidential nominee.

**********

A braying right-wing radio barker: "There was a search warrant! A search warrant issued to take down the anarchists! Anarchists that Coleen Rowley has thrown in her lot with!! Anarchists with shields and weapons!!!... It's a little bit like an FBI agent throwing in his lot with Bill Ayers. Democrat Underground [sic]. Students for a Democrat Society [sic]. Pick your anarchist!"

**********

Maybe I'll have some fun yet.

Views expressed on this page are those of the authors and not necessarily those of Campaign for America's Future or Institute for America's Future